My new life in the making

I realize that this was supposed to be for school purposes. I also realize that the purpose of us learning how to use this was for a helpful benefit in our lives. Well now I finally have an excuse to use this blogging site again. I'm going to help people. I don't care who reads this and who doesn't, and I also don't care if you want to ask me questions about things. I will be here to help. I'm writing this blog to inform people of what I went through in the hopes that no one else goes through the same pain and terror I went through.

I dated this man for almost 11 months...mind you my 11 months I spent with this man were completely wasted but at that time I didn't care. I was tired of being depressed and sad and sulking in my own suffocated misery. I met him and thought my life would be brighter but instead it was the complete opposite I got abused emotionally, physically, and mentally. And not only that but I felt like I was drowning deeper in darkness and I was so far in it that I couldn't find a way out.

If I tried leaving him I would either get threatened or abused. My thoughts were no longer my thoughts instead they became his. I trusted no one except him at the time because he made me feel trapped in his world of terror. And I didn't dare try finding a way out because I didn't know how to face it. Even though I'm an intelligently strong woman at this time I was so taken with the fact that this was how I deserved to be loved that I shut myself down.

I no longer had my own opinion on anything. He was the marionette and I was his puppet. I still don't understand what made me sink that low within myself probably because I was completely terrified of the possibilities of what he could do...rather than facing the fact of the things he couldn't do. I hated the fact that I had to love this man. Even though I had realized for some time that I never really did. And since I could no longer voice myself my thoughts, feelings, and opinions had become inevitability numb.

Why did God do this to me? How did it come to this? Who am I? Do I even exist? These were the questions I asked God on a daily basis.... My answer I got from him was that he does love me, I am HIS child, and yes he believes in me just like I believe in him because if he didn't... I wouldn't have been able to trust in him and be where I am today. I am a survivor of abuse and PTSD, I also used to try to self harm I don't anymore.

Please don't be afraid to talk to me I am here to help!