My life has done a complete 360 in a good way! :)

I went from being in utter darkness to being in a complete light. I was 19 at the time I made mistakes...why? Because I felt I lost everything and I literally had. I lost my grandma.... But I had to act like she didn't mean nothing to me...which is something I couldn't do. Living with my mom I wasn't allowed to have feelings let alone express myself. If I at one point ever attempted to do so in her eyes it was considered "unsatisfactory" who knew?

When I was a child I looked at my mother thinking "I wanna be just like my mommy." Now I look back and ask my past self what the hell I was thinking, but as a child my mom was EVERYTHING and I couldn't live my life without her. After all what child would ever think of her mother as being such an ungrateful person? I mean, she bore me and from her perspective went through hell to have me....but why did she have to put me in a life where I didn't matter? If I didn't matter why didn't she just abort me after all I would've been so much better off...this was my thoughts at 19.

This is my thoughts now:
I live with my dad....yeah not everything is ideal but he loves me...and I finally TRULY matter to someone in a good way. I had enough courage to be rid of my ex....I have the privilege of looking at myself in the morning everyday and realizing that I am ME...and that who I am now is who I am supposed to be and I'm not something people can just create or characterize me out to be.

I struggled in college and with the thought of being on my own...and not knowing where to turn or let alone who to turn to and who I can trust....now I know all the answers to my misconceptions... Even though it's hard to get through and watch. A part of my family has always been there for me when the other half wasn't. Here is something I had to learn in the hardest way(s) possible. The people that have constantly watched you grow end up being the most distant...and the people who haven't seen you grow end up being the most privileged to be there for you.

I haven't seen my dad in 9 years...my dad took me and my horrible ex in with no question or complaints. My dad lets me makes my own decisions and assumptions on how I should control my life...but yet if I fall into an inquisition he will be there to guide me. My mom on the other hand is the complete opposite of all this considering it in this one concept. It's her way or no way at all.

My dad and I are like "two peas in a pod" so to speak because inconsequentially we see ourselves within a bigger picture of life. Since I've been living with my dad I have been going to psychological therapy once every two weeks and physical therapy every week twice a week. I've also gotten back on the program that my mom got me terminated from and am now starting completely fresh with my life. I am hoping to move out on my own soon and attend Wayne State College for journalism.

I have a new boyfriend who treats me like a queen. He takes me places and buys me things which I am DEFINITELY not used to, and I don't think I will ever get used to the concept of a man doing things for me let alone without a complaint mind you. I also have my cat Milo whom I adore very much and wouldn't trade him for anything. My life is finally full of profound happiness and I wouldn't trade my choices (even though they ended up bad in some perspectives) for anything because in the long run the end result I got out of all this was the best thing that could've ever happened to me.