Well its confirmed I had my first bout of depression since almost two months ago. I miss my grandma and its getting to be a closer reminder of how much I will NEVER forget her. Every day I'm still hoping she walks through that door with her laugh and her loud mouth. I don't think I will ever come to terms with accepting the fact that she's gone...its just to damn hard...but yet its a reality I have to face each and every year on November 9th and March 14th. On top of this depression I had major flashbacks of my past to the point where I didn't want to come to the realization that I have to work hard to get to a certain point in my life for that goal to be achieved, when this should have already been somewhat accomplished when I was in my teens. Now I have to start from scratch again and hope to get somewhere. I hated having my flashbacks and depression its not me...but yet it is...but how do I control such an uncontrollable amount of anger? It was like I didn't even know who I was, but yet I was doing it...and I didn't know how to stop. I bit my boyfriend and got extremely angry at my boyfriend and my dad when they were only trying to help me realize a reality that my depression and PTSD couldn't comprehend lord help me. I don't want to be THAT angry EVER again.
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